You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?