The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.