you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.