It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal