it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
