super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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