I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
