i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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