hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
