currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
