i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you inspire me to be a worse person
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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