one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize