i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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