fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am midnight drunk by noon
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
