We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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