I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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