Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
