Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
