This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
