I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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