I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
