y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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