Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
