I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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