please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.