i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.