Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.