I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
