just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
