I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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