So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
