He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
