I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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