I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.