remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
3 2 1 whiskey
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering