it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.