Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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