my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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