There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize