You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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