Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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