you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He better not be in your backpack
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
