I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
