i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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