Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
