I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
