airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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