Operation Purity has been aborted
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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