When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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