he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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