Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize