He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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