im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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