1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
