You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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