im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
God I need to hump something, right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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