Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Panties = found
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